Well, it feels rather odd to be back here after all this time!  I love writing, and I've missed you all and the support / comments / arguments / etc. that my blogs inspired - it's just been a very full year!  No way to do a 'quick' recap, so won't even try.  Suffice it to say that my family grew (again), and things have been madly, crazily busy.  
I'm delighted to be sitting here again, though - have SO many thoughts I want to share!

Something I do want to discuss is autism, and how we perceive it.  It occurred to me today, as Tiss and I were talking about our kids, that I really do have a very different approach from most.  (Hers is similar to mine, but then, we do tend to look at life in much the same way ;) )

I find that I'm often the recipient of well-meant compliments about my apparently saintly actions in adopting so many children who have special needs - primarily autism.  The truth is, I really, really, LIKE these children, it's not a hardship to me in any way to live with 'em.  Perhaps if I can share some of my thoughts on living with children who have autism, people will consider there might be a different perspective from the one they've always had...then again, probably not, as this is not exactly a widely read blog.  But at least those of you who read it will get a look into the way my brain works ;)

The thing is, to me people who have autism are like beings from another place.  Our world is the dominant one, and consequently they are forced to learn (or try to) the social mores and rules of our society.  

Imagine, if you will, a world in which you were supposed to be male.  If you were born female, you would be expected to take medications to suppress your hormones, and you would be required to act like a man.  If you failed to do this, you would be considered 'flawed', and shunted aside into 'special' homes or workplaces. No matter how hard you  tried to pee standing up, it would still dribble down your leg.  
Right.  Not fair, no valuing the differences, no acceptance for variations from the norm.
This is the world our people with autism live in.

Now, I'm not suggesting that we immediately require the world to change its point of view and adapt completely to total acceptance (although it would be really nice!), but I do think there needs to be a sea change in the general perception of autism and autistic behaviour.  
When you are fortunate enough to live with a person with autism, you tend to become aware that perception is nine tenths of acceptance.  If an 'outsider' perceives your child as a person-with-autism rather than an autistic-person, you find they are much more accepting of the differences while still valuing the person.  The 'oh, you have an autistic child' type tends to see the autism instead of the child.


I'll take my Tiri as an example of a child with autism - she is not typical, because there IS no typical in the world of autism.  But here she is:  she is verbal (although sometimes difficult to understand),  she loves steel bridges and trains and gets really, really excited whenever she sees either one,  she 'talks to the fairies' (which is our family's way of describing her vocalizations), she perseverates, she hand-flaps, she postures, she has sensory issues, she's still wearing pull-ups because using the bathroom is not a priority for her (she'll be 9 in a month).  She loves to cuddle, she is wonderful with our animals, she has manners, she loves to read and can read anything, she cares deeply about her family members AND their feelings, she has an amazing ability to remember directions (how to get somewhere), she can find Waldo quicker than anyone else, she's really good at computer games and Wii, she likes to make up stories and tell them to me, she has the most wonderful gurgly chuckle and she laughs a lot.  Tiri sees the world we live in in a completely different light.  She focuses on things we may not  notice until she draws our attention to them.  Different things have greater importance to her.  When I look at a flower garden, I appreciate the design, the use of colour, perhaps the scents - when she looks at it, she may focus on the one dandelion over in the corner and get excited because it's the same colour as the dress her sister is wearing.  Or the tiny bug I didn't notice.  Or the delphinium, because one of our chickens is named Delphinium. (Don't ask.)
My point here is that Tiri's way of seeing the world is not better or worse than mine, it's just different.  And her way of 'being' is the same - not better or worse.  But in our society, she is considered 'special' which is a frequently used as a politically correct way of saying 'less than' or even 'defective'.

When one lives with people who have autism, one's horizons are broadened considerably - but it's actually a lovely experience, not a negative one.  Keeping my brain stretched and learning is something I enjoy, not resist.  Being open to new perspectives surely keeps us mentally acute and able to continue learning throughout our lives - isn't this a good thing?  I think so - 'normal' (whatever the hell that is) has no appeal and sounds really boring to me.  If we as a society were more receptive to differences, rather than trying so hard to homogenize everyone, we'd all be happier - we could celebrate new perspectives instead of attacking anyone who holds a different view.  


So, in my home, I am able to enjoy fresh, new ways of seeing things every day - that's what I mean about really liking living with children who have autism.  It's a delight to me to see something ordinary in a brand new light.  It makes me laugh, it keeps my brain (very) active, it makes me happy.  It's fun to learn that plain old bubble wrap is actually called bubble rats, and that bubble bath is supposed to be bumble bath.  I can still believe in Father Christmas, because my children do.  Their world is a really wonderful place (most of the time), and I am allowed to travel in it - and I am the safe landing for them when they come to live in ours for a while.  Think of them as visitors....these people with autism, they are ambassadors of a different place.  Let's make them welcome.




.................................................................keep dancing.............